Lean In

 

A view of Bishop from the volcanic tablelands. 

Not a ton to report today. I'm in Hostel California. I'm drinking cocoa. I've got the yoga mat in front of me, where I was just lying down doing some back exercises. I just heard some kids at the table downstairs talking about going to the Happies. Apparently people don't wait a couple days to go climbing after a rain. Honestly I don't think it really matters. This boulders have been climbed on so much, day after day, that the holds are probably pretty solid. And what does it matter if a hold breaks off? It's not like holds are going to break off on the hard stuff, since all of that is super overhanging and doesn't really get wet. I don't know. People have obviously been climbing on sunny days the day after a rain for many years now, and things have turned out pretty ok.

Where should I climb today? The Buttermilks, the Happies, or the Sads? 

A sip of my cocoa. Some more floor work. Some Bishop middle schoolers that walk by outside. 

The Seattle forecast has NO RAIN in it for days and days and days. Well maybe just days and days. It's colder than here, though. The high next Monday is supposed to be 30. The HIGH.

I can't decide if I should stay in the same room tonight or change over to the one with the shared bathroom. Maybe one more night here?

The thing about the Buttermilks is they could be snowy. And what if I drove all the way out there only to not be able to climb because of the snow? That would suck. At least I'd get some cool photos. 

My fingers feel swollen. 

Every day I talk about how my diet was bad the night before, how I drank too much beer, so maybe I just need to accept that and stop talking about it. It's not like I really want to change it. I like drinking beer, at least right now. I like eating good but somewhat dubious food. Though last night it was just dubious. 

When I was five or so in Colorado Springs I went climbing for the first time in Garden of the Gods. The thing is, I remember almost nothing about the outing. Honestly, I don't even really remember if I climbed or if I just watched my friend's dad climb. But I think I did climb, and I think I went up what felt like really high on top rope but was probably only like 10 or 20 feet. I remember being scared. I remember not liking the experience that much. It's hard to like something if you're scared. 

Then in 2010 or so I remember my friend Anya always trying to get me to go climbing with her. She said I'd be good at it, that I was athletic and had the right body type. And I always turned her down. I thought climbing was dumb. I was 27 or so at the time. 

Then in 2014 I did let myself get convinced to go bouldering at the Bainbridge climbing gym, where I got pumped in about three minutes. Actually, probably even less than that. I got pumped in one or two attempts on what was probably the easiest problem there. And after that I thought, This is stupid. 

And then finally, in 2019, my friend H convinced me to go to SBP, because there were hot girls and it was fun and the yoga classes were a good way to limber up. And so I went, and this time, probably because I went with good friends, and probably because SBP is more fun for beginners, something clicked. And I wanted to go back. And I started going back by myself. And I got obsessed. Fast forward to Valentine's Day, just before COVID, and I was at an intermediate bouldering class just me and another few guys trying purples and oranges. And fast forward to today, where I'm sitting in the private room of a hostel in Bishop, California deciding whether I'm gonna go climb at the Buttermilks, the Happies or the Sads. I'm 39 years old and obsessed with something in a way I've been obsessed with few things before. And I'm almost ashamed of it, because it's weird to be so into something at the age of 39 that's usually for people who are younger, stronger, who's bodies aren't as wrecked. But I'm trying to lean into it, not question it. This is something that's just for me and not anybody else. That's why it's ok and beautiful that I go to the boulders and just try a few moves on a V2 if that's what I'm feeling. It's a purely selfish thing and one that doesn't need explaining or justification. Time to lean in.